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Joshua D (Shelly Girl, Sebastian Dash, NWCW)
| You might notice at some point this page is split into two sections: the KOL Quote section, inspired by Welcome To Earth's quote page, and a "wrestling" section. The wrestling section was an e-wrestling federation I helped run with a fella by the name of Mike Jiran - NWCW. It was an off the wall style e-wrestling federation, with an emphisis on humor and fun. |
| # | Date | Wrestler | This is the space the quote goes in. |
| #1 | Initial web site | NWCW Wrestler Jurgen Hosenmacher |
|
| #2 | 05-18-2001 | NWCW Wrestler Damien Stahr | "Yeah,
apparently my feet didn't look dead enough...." (
on a guest spot performance on tv show ER)
"As long as she doesn't press that ass Dr. Phil on me. That guy has issues of his own. He outta seek help from Dr. Laura who could use a trip to see Dr. Kevorkian. I tell ya, those are two people that [the world] would not miss." (On Oprah Winfrey) |
| #3 | 05-23-2001 | NWCW Wrestler Backlash (reply: NWCW Master's champion Jurgen Hosenmacher w/ Fatty McButterpants) |
(reply) Sie können viele Sachen in einen Ofen passen. (Translation: "They can fit many things into a furnace .") (Jurgen Hosenmacher) “Yeah. Like food. I like food a lot! When’s lunch?” |
| #4 | 05-24-2001 | NWCW Wrestler Seth Rancid | “I'm not a nice person.” |
| #5 | 05-28-2001 | NWCW Master's champion Jurgen Hosenmacher and Fatty McButterpants | Fatty: Maybe so,
Jurg. But don't be presumptuous. When you presume, you make a “Pres” out
of “u” and “me”.
Jurgen: Perhaps that makes sense to a fluent speaker of English, but I have no idea what you have said . |
| #6 | 06-02-2001 | NWCW Wrestler Damien Stahr and agent Mac Davis | Mac:
"What do you need an agent for then?"
Stahr: "Well . . . . You know, dealing with. . . . the . . . . .well . . . . . I'll pay you." Mac: "Good enough." |
| #7 | 06-06-2001 | NWCW Commentator Randy Hiliebrant on Tuesday Night Splash , written by Ductape | "The loser of this no DQ match gets 10 lashes with this whip, supplied by Cicero Leather Supply . . . conveniently located by Sportsman’s Park so you can play the ponies, then . . . uh . . . I dunno… Make up your own sexual reference." |
| #8 | 06-07-2001 | NWCW Wrestler Jurgen Hosenmacher on "card preview," NWCW's "lucrative" deal to Jurgen Hosenmacher for rights to hold the next card in the basement of his pants store. | “They said I could have $5 if I said yes, and that I would be stripped of both my titles if I said no,” explains Jurgen, “Now I must move all the pants in order to make room for the ring.” |
| #9 | 06-09-2001 | Hellhound 's Profile (Psycho) | Look: Psycho is one of the biggest men in wrestling today, and one of the few of them that can do high flying moves. He is 7'1" tall with jet black hair and blue eyes. He is dressed in black leather tights with a tank top when he wrestles. All over the tights and shirt are flames. |
| #10 | 06-11-2001 | Capitol City Website | “Welcome All to your nation's capital, Washington, DC! In a city of politics and corruption there is little hope. A mere bleak light at the end of the tunnel. CCW is that light! We are your hope, your desire, and your future. We strive to show you what real men are, and what real men desire to become!" - Crash |
| #11 | 06-12-2001 | Jurgen/Fatty | Jurgen: Ah, Fatty
. . . you can help the men in the truck
carry in the equipment .
Fatty: (Unintelligible German swearing) Jurgen: Fatty, I did not know you could speak German. Fatty: I can't. [Jurgen ponders this for a moment, then shakes it off.] |
| #12 | 06-13-2001 | Hellhound Psycho | Psycho:
It's
beautiful
, isn't it?
Reporter: You call that beautiful? Some one could die inside there. Psycho: I know. That is what makes it so beautiful. I can't wait to get Flying Fury in it. |
| #13 | 06-14-2001 | Winthrop Teetes | Welcome to Wal-Mart , how may I help you? |
| #14 | 06-17-2001 | Lisa ( Splash ) | That was unfair. |
| #15 | 06-18-2001 | Mysterious NWC legend to Lisa | You may address me as Mr. NWC Legend , and nothing less. |
| #16 | 06-20-2001 | NWCW press conference release | NWC Affiliate New Wave Chicago Wrestling's announced a handful of open spots on it's upcoming supercard Bash. Backlash has an itch to find out who's the most hardcore; in Backlash's challenge, he's taking on any and all comers in the special "Backlash's challenge." In addition, there's still five openings in the tag team three way match for an NWCW tag team title shot (new signees only), and open invitational battle royal with all title shots on the line, and a tournament spot for the NWCW's first ever NWC National title shot on the line. |
| #17 | 06-21-2001 | NWCW Wrestler Backlash | “There is this place called the NWC, and NWCW will never make it there because of wrestlers on its roster like Reaper.” |
| #18 | 06-22-2001 | NWCW Tag team wrestler Reaper | Reaper: Are you starting to get the picture yet boy? Oh no we still breath. But yes we have died. And in our death we went through true hell ! Not the back lot of some film studio! |
| #19 | 06-24-2001 | Classic NWICW moment | (The TNT opening plays on your screen, with superimposed images of your favorite NWICW wrestlers over the TNT logo, including the suspended James "Rocket Man" Girard, Vigilante, Stan "The Heartbreaker" Grubb, the Masters of Fire, and many more. The opening fades into a wild crowd shot, where thousands upon thousands of rabid wrestling fans are holding up their signs, waving frantically into the camera, and just generally creating a mob scene. After several gratuitous crowd shots, we go to the announcers for the evening, Nick Wayne Ortin, and "Classy" Steve Summers.) |
| #20 | 06-25-2001 | NWCW Commentator / Wal Mart manager Ken Stevens | -=Ken Stevens=-
He was our best shelf-boy... (Referring to Sean, formerly Winthrop Teetes, formerly of Wal Mart, directly after his sudden departure from his job) |
| #21 | 06-27-2001 | NWCW Tuesday Night Splash commentators Michael Bold and Ken Stevens | KS: And now
it's time to find out who this mysterious NWC Legend is!
MB: I have it on good authority that it's Mister Sinister! KS: Sinister? Wow, that'd be awesome! MB: That's who it is. In fact, I'd bet the farm on it. [Mosley, Viper, and Rancid all stand in the ring, and not a one of them knows who's about to step through the curtain. Not even Mosley, and he's supposed to be the mysterious NWC Legend's tag team partner for this match.] KS: This is it, Michael! This is the moment we've been waiting for! [Suddenly, some crudely recorded music is heard bellowing out from directly behind the curtain.] con
't
|
| #22 | 06-28-2001 | Phil Grunski |
|
| #23 | 08-24-2001 | Doc's handler, on AOL IM | The new NWCW President on . . . the new NWCW! "It's a great fed whose president's dashing good looks will make up for his incompetence at fed heading" September 24th, 2001. |
| #24 | 08-24-2001 | Doc's handler, on AOL IM | Ductape18 (9:37:43 AM):
Good page...keeps me from having to update some of the stuff on mine as
often :-)
(Commenting on my page ) |
| #25 | 09-06-2001 | Upcoming card (v2. #1) information | This title's belt literally IS the old NWCW Chicago belt. Hosenmacher holds said title and is reluctant to give up the belt even though he will be the last NWCW Chicago Champion no matter what happens. And so he insisted on guest-reffing this one. |
| #26 | 09-07-2001 | Rebecca Tanke to Jeff Duane | "Good," says Rebecca, "Right now I just wanna get out of Wilde's stupid novelette style shows, and slip into something more comfortable." |
| #27 | 09-08-2001 | jobber Big Andy Masterson | Big Andy: Then I’m gonna hold your shoulders to the mat until Hosenmacher counts to 3 and then I will win and you will lose and I will have the belt and you won't because you are a stupid faggot. (showing why he's a jobber) |
| #28 | 09-19-2001 | Friday Night Lightning highlights | Leo Byrkeskowfski: Thanks, Doc. I'm here with
Joe Corea who owns this shop. Joe, why have you decided to let NWCW do
shows in your basement?
Joe Corea: I didn't "Decide." I coach rea' wrestling and I hate the professional stuff. But Fatty sent his thugs in here and they wouldn't leave me alone till I said they could use it. |
| #29 | 10-05-2001 | Friday Night Lightning preview | No one is quite sure what Grusenski's locker did to him, but man he was beating the crap out of it the other day! (Robert Grusenski vrs. two adjacent lockers, for the JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT TITLE) |
| #30 | 10-07-2001 | Jake Tucker | Tucker: I have to go train.
No I don't, I'll win anyway.
Lennord Block: Yes you do . |
| #31 | 10-08-2001 | Dunkle Storage and Moving | Nephew Nate Dunkle: OH,
I seen that Masterson guy on T.V. a few weeks back, he looked mean... I
think his catch phrase is 'You are a stupid faggot'.
(Uncle Dave Dunkle looks at Nate and smiles...) UD: Hmmmmm. Nephew, anyone who has a great catch phrase like that has got to be tough... |
| #32 | 10-09-2001 | Don McDonald , one half of "The Greatest Tag Team In The Whole Wide World," mocking his opponents in jobber fashion | Don [singing off key]: Dunkle moving and stoooooorrrrrraaaaggggg geee.... |
| #33 | 10-15-2001 | Jerrick Thomas , talking the talk against his opponent, Jake Tucker | It's true, Tucker... I enjoy hurting people. I enjoy the style of fighting that simpering fans love to call "hardcore." I like to call it Assault and Battery, myself... but hey, they pay me to do it, and people like to watch it, so it's perfectly le gal. |
| #34 | 10-17-2001 | new NWCW superstar Vincent Cross's bio | Appearance: Somewhat built, with a tattoo of a cross
on the left side of his chest, over his heart. His hair is short and pitch
black, natural colors, not dyed. He has icey blue eyes that could pierce
through anyones soul. He wears no shirt and black jeans to the ring with
black shoes. One special thing, a large golden cross that he wears around
his neck. He never takes
it off, with the exception of wrest ling. |
| #35 | 10-18-2001 | Jack Tucker's bio | Gimmick/Attitude: He is very for the rules. He never cheats and he doesn't smoke or drink alcohol. He is easy to get along with and even though he thinks he is going to win all of his matches and he talks like he is going to win all of his matches, he knows he isn't the best wrestler in the entire world. |
| #36 | 10-20-2001 | Jerric Thomas's bio | Jerrick is unbelievably focused in the ring...and
the bullseye is right on the neck. This not only sets up the Superiority,
but also weakens the neck area in order to make the Endgame that much more
devastating.
-- Jerrick Thomas's wrestling style, copied from his bio |
| #37 | 10-22-2001 | Jurgen Hosenmacher | Your inferior attempt at humor sickens me. |
| #38 | 10-23-2001 | Jurgen Hosenmacher | JH: I am fearing for my life, Herr Doctor Vegas.
Herr Tucker is quite determined to arrive at Grand Central Station first
so as to have more time in which to find the belt. Usually I would appreciate
such dedication, however the fact that he is putting my car and my health
in dangerous situations weakens my enthusiasm tremendously... (NWCW
Lightning
)
Jurgen Hosenmacher , making small talk to his co commentator |
| #39 | 10-24-2001 | Nephew Nate | "Who knew two sixty year old people could actually need this much stuff? Uncle Dave! What do you want to start with ?" |
| #40 | 10-25-2001 | Patty McAulderstance (better known as Fatty Mcbutterpants) | Lace up those challengin' shoes! Fatty on the newest NWCW feature "The Challange room !" |
| #41 | 10-27-2001 | Tommy Rogue to Rebecca Tanke | And 'Bec, I really did cover all this in my promo. Didya catch it? Great stuff, you know. In the park at night -- had the gloomy feel I was aimin' for and everything. |
| #42 | 10-28-2001 | Fudge 's bio | Background: Fudge was raised in Miami, the only person he could relate to was his brother, Massacre, after his mother and father died in a horrific plane crash. When Fudge lost his parents, he became a loner, with his brother, they slept on park benches, or a car hood, anywhere they could get really. When Fudge reached the age of 13, he was already looking after his little brother Massacre who was only 9 at this time. |
| #43 | 10-29-2001 | Canadian HomeGirl (Rob "Van" F*** ing-dam's manager) | Background: Born May 25, 1980, in Calgary, Alberta, CHG's parents were over protective. It took a special man help her breakout of her shell. Mike met the CHG when he went shopping for a cowboy hat. Her family owned the best Cowboy hat shop in Canada. He asked her out and originally she refused, but eventually after many months of, what many would consider stalking, she agreed to go out with him. She moved with him when he moved to Westchester County, and is one of the only things that Mike gets pleasure from, her and beating the crap out of Americans. |
| #44 | 10-31-2001 | Brad Sexton's Gimmick | Gimmick: A deep heel but he thinks he is a face . . . When they chant "asshole" or anything like that he thinks he's being cheered (part of his gimmick) but he is a HEEL indefinitely but thinks he is face and doesn't understand why fans don't come to his autograph sessions etc. |
| #45 | 11-01-2001 | Brad Sexton | The REAL reason I am in NWCW is two reasons..a @#%$ load of money and it's only temporary until something better comes along!! I mean don't get me wrong all the great BIGGG fans here in NWCW make me feel very welcome but I am a Baptist and I can't keep wrestling in a small Catholic Church gym for a!! |
| #46 | 11-02-2001 | Porter Nietzsche 's manager, Grendel | Description: A mythical Anglo-Saxon monster brought to life, he is dirty, smelly, scary, and Danish. He's also prone to waxing poetically about the nature of existence (or lack thereof) and eating people, though not necessarily in that order. Interfering in matches has never been an issue; he has, however, eaten a ringside spectator and roasted the ring announcer's genitalia over an open fire. Still more distinguishing characteristics: baldness, lisping, and the fact that he lives with his mother, who says "Dool-dool" a lot. Even he has had a girlfriend. (Unlike Porter) |
| #47 | 11-03-2001 | Ravishing Randy Hiliebrant and Doc Vegas | Why did I leave Chicago?
DV: Because you’re a no-talent boob who couldn’t get a job outside NWCW if he was the last announcer of any kind in the world. RH: Touché. NWCW Lightning! (See quote ) |
| #48 | 11-04-2001 | Nephew Nate Dunkle much- unwanted moving advise to his Uncle Uncle Dave | "Ummm Uncle Dave... Maybe we should have put those boxes in before the plants. Aren't there books and plates in those?" |
| #49 | 11-06-2001 | Tommy Rogue in his interview for his shot at CAL gold, coming up on Suburban Sprawl | I’ve got a date with destiny… flirting with fate. |
All Time Greatest
Quote (on several occasions)
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NWCW link